You're Allowed To Be 20 Something & Single



Whenever I am with friends or people close to me, I don't usually talk about relationships and such. Specially if it is about me. Probably, just about how I like this certain person, how I think this person is attractive and smart, and so on and so forth. Most of the times, they would throw me the "You already have a lot of men in your life." jokes and punchlines but most of them doesn't really know how I view relationships and commitments.

I was browsing Thought Catalog that became one of my favorite go to blog site that makes me quite entertained when I stumbled upon this article thus, gave me an idea for this post.

It's no secret for my sister and some close cousins of mine how I have issues with commitments. I am having a little bit of trouble of telling myself that I have to do this, I should do this kind of stuff. I am a rebel, I have a wild soul, and I really value my freedom so damn much. So just by thinking of being in a situation where I would have a person take control over me is kind of scary. I am also an idealistic person. This can also be a big factor of why my past relationship went astray. I'm more of a what this person thinks and stand in life. And when my love for my freedom kicked in, my idealistic side doesn't help in making me stay in a relationship.

Don't get me wrong, I have already been in a few relationships before which means I really did tried. But most of those relationships only lasted for a few months. At first it was fun. I feel good and I feel happy with him around. But there came a time when I just woke up and told myself, I don't like it anymore. I don't like everything about us anymore. So whenever I throw the "It's not you, it's me" punchlines, they don't usually believe it but it was actually true,

So rather than just kept on "testing" the waters and such, I decided to just suck it. Don't be in a relationship if I don't want to. It doesn't matter what it will look like on other people's eyes. I have so many things I want to do and I don't have to keep on reminding myself that "Hey, you're in your twenties and you did not even had one stable relationship ever" for that matter. Sure, even my relatives who kept on telling me before not to marry right away and help my parents first kind of asking me now why I haven't bought anyone or a boyfriend for them to meet, but a shrug of shoulders now does it.

Reading the article gave me more power thinking that what I am today is actually fine, and that I am not alone with this. There are a lot of people who might judge you for being in your twenties and you are either single or has not been in any one stable or serious relationship but why should we care? This is our life, and we are happy not rushing things. And even if we reach our thirties and forties and still single, it's our choice. We should not force yourself to be in a commitment just because the society asks you to.

Let me share to you these parts of the article that feels like it was really for me and the other parts are exactly what we all needed to realize:

You’re not a late bloomer. Pairing off is not the only way to show growth. We always say love is brave, and it is. But choosing not to settle takes more courage. Choosing not to pair off for the sake of being in a couple is brave too. 

People fell in love in college, on trips abroad, during gap years spent doing service projects. You fell in love with other things. With people, with family, with friends, with subjects, with passions, with place. 

You didn’t need a commitment, or you were forced to do without for circumstantial reasons. You’ve been spared 20 something years of relationships for the sake of relationships. Don’t let other people discount that fact. Don’t let yourself discount that fact. 

There is no rule that says love is what you have to go looking for. Relationship virginity is not a 20-something ailment that can be cured with pitying glances and set up offers.

Whether you’re a victim of shitty timing, or you’re single for lack of interest, be pleased with yourself, and with your choices. You deserve to know that your self reliance is scary to those who have always chosen a partner, rather than being alone. 

Your unwillingness to compromise isn’t something you need to hide. 

No matter what reasons we have, the fact that we are happy, contented and just letting it come if it comes is already enough for us to let the day go. Let's live because we are happy, because we are contented, because we are in our twenties and we are single.

Are you one of us?

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