To The Guy Who Makes Me Feel Special & Lacking At The Same Time.




You are someone who isn't easy to please, yet you put up with some of my worse habits. You don't really compliment people just because you like it but you sometimes tell me my good points without you even noticing it. You adjust your time for me even though you doesn't really like waiting. You always give me reasons to smile or laugh without even trying. With that, you make me feel special.

You ask for my opinions, my thoughts and my take on things. Many people asks to be with you but most of the times, you'll always end up being with me. You like giving things to people, but you never forget to share something with me. You tease me if I like someone you don't and I do the same, but at the end of the day, it doesn't even matter at all. We have our differences but you always make sure we'll work it out. With that, you make me feel special.

You talk to me like you always need to. You do things you don't usually do just because I asked you to, I slowly became a part of your life wherein I never had to fall in line for you to give your attention to. You never fail to make me realize you'll just be there for me. That I'll never have to feel alone because you're just one text or chat away. You call me just to let me know the good news you just received. With that, you make me feel special.

But amidst all that, you also never fail to make me understand how blessed you are when it comes to things I know I am really not. You talk to a lot of people and I sometimes hate it when I feel like I don't even worth of your time even though I shouldn't. You make me hear you talk about a certain topic with someone I don't have a knowledge of. With that, you make me feel lacking.

You helped me with the things you know you can and I can't do anything about it. You realized you had to, and I realized that I have no choice. You make me cling to you even though I shouldn't. You made me talk about you most of the time like I don't know anyone aside from you and people are noticing it because we're always together and I got used to it. With that, you make me feel lacking.

You make people think that we're a package. You being with me made other people think that they needed to go through me first before you. You do and say things to me that are too good to be true and It makes me want to hold into that. You slowly became a part of my world without the need to fall in line for me to talk to you. With that, you make me feel lacking.

I don't know when it all started or when it would stop, but that night made all the difference. The foundation I built with our friendship started to crumble when I realized that being special to you also means realizing how lacking I am compared to you. Yes, it shouldn't matter. But I can't keep on telling myself that when it really does. 

I want you to know that no matter what I feel, it will never erase that fact that I will always be thankful that I met you, got close to you and had the chance to really know you better. I also want to let you know that I am proud of you and it will never change. 

I guess, people just feel things towards people they really cared for. It was never a human nature to feel mixed emotions with someone they shouldn't even know existed, but as our friendship grew and the experiences I had with you, feeling special and lacking seemed to be the natural order and I am getting better at being okay with that.



Love,
Elle.

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